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Same Sex Relationships and the Teenage Years

Posted on September 20, 2017 in Uncategorized

Adolescence is a period of developmental changes. The most noticeable changes are physical. Girls begin to grow breasts and have a regular menstrual cycle. Boys begin to develop facial hairs, have a deep voice and begin to produce semen. So for the first time in his or her life the teenager begins to wonder what is happening to him or her. I encourage parents to be closer to their children at this time to answer their questions, to support them and to allay their fears and concerns. One of the most important concerns is their sexuality. Most teenagers would fantasize only about the opposite sex while a few teenagers may consider same-sex relationship as an option. For those who think about same-sex relationship as an option I encourage you to give it some time and seek professional help before making a decision. The truth is that you are not developed enough to make a decision about your sexuality. Meanwhile you may have friends of the opposite sex not ‘girl friend’ or ‘boy friend’ for the reason that you are not yet an adult and you do not want to complicate your life at this time.

The way to manage your sexual fantasies is to concentrate on what interests you like music, drawing, computing, entrepreneurship, public speaking, science, leadership, or writing. These creative and investigative outlets are more stimulating than sex if you could give them a chance to manifest in your life. At the proper age get married and raise your family in love, care and happiness. I am not a professional but I do not think I need to be one in other to guide a teenager that is battling with his or her sexuality because I am a parent. A family member of about 19 years old once posted on Facebook that he is gay. In consultation with my wife we advised him to remove the posting and he did. Our reasoning was that he was not old enough to determine his sexuality. We found out later that it was his way of coping with a recent breakup with his girlfriend. Today he is a father.

Your sexuality is very important. It is not something to be taken lightly. You could bring children into the world and that requires responsibility, compassion, love and the proper values to raise the child. I know society has made sexuality seem commonplace but for you it is still a sacred event and I encourage you to plan and prepare with your eyes open and your reason intact. If you take it lightly with your eyes closed, it could destroy your life. But if you understand it, prepare for it, plan for it, fall in love and get married, you could have a fulfilled life. These are the same thoughts I share with our children and I encourage you to take them seriously. Our world needs moral leaders and I am counting on you to be one of them!

If you are having sexual problems and you think that you might be gay or you are thinking about sex all the time, please by all means do not keep it to your self. Confide in your parents so that they may get you the proper help that you need. However if you are constantly thinking about sexual pleasures at an early age I encourage you to think more about your interests. There is a time for everything and your time for marital bliss will come. For now it is better to build your future by developing your talents and gifts than to waste it on sensual fantasies. But whatever you are feeling it must be part of your body. If it is part of your body others have also felt it and dealt with it so there is nothing to be ashamed about it but the sooner you get professional help the better you will feel about your body and your life..

I first met a gay person in my sociology class at Indiana, Pennsylvania in the eighties. At the time I did not know what to make of it. I could not believe that anyone would prefer the same-sex as a life partner and coming from Nigeria did not prepare me for the experience. For me it was natural to be attracted to the opposite sex and that any other tendency was abnormal. But after reading more and more of these stories I have come to accept that we may be connected on a spiritual level but our tendencies might be entirely different. However, my caution centers on respect and human dignity. Let your relationship be based on Love and love alone and if you are a bisexual decide and define where you belong.

For those who oppose homosexuality because it is a sin against their Gods, as written in their sacred texts I encourage you to do more research on the subject, involve your heart and make an effort to understand the subject. In this way you may react with love when it happens in your family! My take on Sacred Texts is that you must be really naive to think that your sacred text is the real word of God or the only sacred text. The truth is that sacred texts are more like the word of a father who is about to die and decides to write down his thoughts and experiences on how to live a good life as a guide to his son. But my dear friend, God is not about to die and surely God is not dead! God is within your heart and if you really want real answers consult your heart, not books!

There are those who think that homosexuality is an illness and some practitioners have healing clinics to turn homosexuals into “normal” human beings. Many of the clinics are organized by religious organizations because according to their belief homosexuality is an abomination toward their God. In this case it boils down to if you believe in their God or a different God. However this is your life and your life alone. If you are using homosexuality to cover up something else like my family member seek professional help immediately. Further if you are shy before girls and are using homosexuality as an escape you are mistaken. There is nothing to fear or worry about in your relationship with a girl. Just be yourself and your girl will appear at the proper time or whenever you are ready. Lastly if you know that you are indeed a gay person so be it! Here is a quote from Sigmund Freud:

“Homosexuality is assuredly no advantage, but it is nothing to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation, it cannot be classified as an illness.” Sigmund Freud (1935).

Finally for those who want more information on the subject I encourage you to read about homosexual behavior in animals. The study is not conclusive but that did not prevent the American Psychiatric Association and other groups for citing it in the brief to the United States Supreme Court in Lawrence Vs. Texas which removed sodomy laws from 14 states. In conclusion what is at stake is not really about homosexuality but about freedom, individual freedom within the limits of our laws and if you support individual freedom learn more from the following quote originated by Martin Niemöller:

They came first for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Thank you for your time and Make each moment you live a moment of love, peace and happiness for yourself and for everyone you meet.