Posted on September 19, 2017
Are you sexually involved with one of your friends on a casual basis, and you’re starting to worry that it’s not going to end well? Are you worried that he’s developing feelings for you, or worse, that you’re starting to fall for him when he doesn’t feel the same way? Friends with benefits situations can be risky territory, and it can lead to heartbreak and ruining a friendship that is otherwise fine.
When you find yourself in this situation, you have to evaluate your options. Is the sex really so good that it’s worth all the complications that it can cause? Are you willing to potentially lose a good friend just because you two got hot and heavy? Are you ready to get your heart broken if you have feelings for him and he doesn’t feel anything for you? You’re probably answering no to all of these questions, and that’s your first sign that you need to get out of this relationship before it goes south.
There is one advantage to being in a casual sex relationship with a friend: at least you both started out as friends! This means it should be a little easier to communicate with him and end the relationship amicably. You’re both adults, after all. Try sitting him down and explaining your concerns to him. Tell him that you don’t want to lose the friendship over a little hanky-panky. He may be resistant at first (because who doesn’t like a good roll in the hay?), but you have to be strong and hold your ground. Let him know that he means a lot more to you as a friend than as a sex partner, and that you feel it would be in both of your best interest if you just called it quits before things escalate.
If he’s not listening, explain to him that you’re looking for something more serious and that you’d rather have a real relationship with another man who may come along any day. Tell him that he’s limiting his options, as well, by spending time in your bed. It doesn’t need to turn into a big fight and feelings don’t necessarily need to get hurt if you two can both remain calm and discuss the situations like the adults that you are. The sooner you end the sexual relationship, the sooner the two of you can get back to being friends. It will take time, but it’s worth it.
Posted on September 17, 2017
Did you take that extra step with a platonic male friend? Sure, it seemed like a good idea at first. You get along well with him, you can hang out for hours on end, and both of you are single. So why not satisfy each other sexually with no strings attached? You’ll always have that companion and you’ll have a partner in bed that doesn’t require as much work or emotion as a romantic relationship! But then reality sets in: you are starting to develop stronger feelings for him. You think about him when he’s not around. And every time you fool around with him, it becomes more and more obvious that you are starting to fall in love with him. If this is you, it’s probably a good time to end this relationship before it gets too ugly!
A casual sexual relationship with a good friend will almost inevitably start out fantastic. It seems like it solves all of your problems. You get to keep a supportive, functional platonic relationship going while adding a little spice for your needs. The unfortunate reality, however, is that women tie romantic feelings in with sex, regardless of whether it is conscious or not. Men are built for hit-and-run sexual encounters. It’s easy for them to have a little fun and walk away without any altered feelings. Women are not the same. Sex is a very intimate act, even if it is supposedly casual. A woman will enter the situation thinking they’re capable of managing their emotions, but often times they will take hold before she even notices. And the longer this relationship transpires, the bigger the risk of heartbreak.
The second you start realizing that your emotions are developing beyond the platonic, it is wise to end the casual sex relationship with your friend. You may entertain fantasies that he is feeling the same way, but that is very, very unlikely. It’s not going to happen. You need to protect yourself. So how do you do that?
It’s simple. Tell him no. Say no to answering his calls or messages. Say no to any suggested outings or anything resembling a date. Say no to him coming over late at night for a “booty call” when his other options fall through. Be unavailable. He will get the hint and you will save yourself from the eventual heartache that will accompany him ending the relationship — which will happen at some point if you don’t.
Remember that you both entered into this relationship with certain expectations on the table. Don’t be resentful that it didn’t turn in your favor, simply distance yourself until you feel you are healed. Then, hopefully, you can revive the platonic relationship (without sex!) and move on to a healthier relationship that is intended to be romantic.
Posted on September 16, 2017
Casual relationships can seem like a great idea at first. All of the fun with none of the messy romantic side! You may be considering this arrangement with a friend or companion, but there are some things you should know before you get involved. Men and women respond to sex very differently. Of course, we all know that sex is a very enjoyable experience. No one can deny that! But there are some elements to it that affect women more than they do men, and that is where the risk comes in.
Men are very carnal creatures, and can have sex with virtually anything without getting attached. They are not as emotional as women and are not built to be so. For some reason, guys are able to completely separate sex from their emotions, so they have less to worry about in casual relationships. It’s arguable that the “friends with benefits” scenario is the ideal relationship for a lot of guys.
Women are different, though. While you may believe that you are emotionally strong enough and want this arrangement badly enough that you can handle the situation, your hormones don’t agree. The female body produces oxytocin during sexual relations, a chemical that will make you feel attached and affectionate towards whoever you are sharing the experience with. No amount of pre-arranged “no strings attached” discussions can stop oxytocin from being released during sex. It can be close to impossible for a woman to avoid having feelings for the man she is sleeping with, especially if it is on a regular basis.
This is not to say that having a casual sex relationship with someone is a terrible choice, only that it can be risky for a woman. Knowing that you are entering into an agreement with someone who has no romantic feelings for you is fine, but you must also acknowledge the possibility that you may develop feelings for this man and he is very, very unlikely to reciprocate those feelings.
If you are still determined to have a friend with benefits, use caution. If you feel yourself getting attached, pull away from the situation. This can be especially tricky if the person you are having casual sex with is an actual platonic friend that you care about. You have to recognize that you might be doing damage to the friendship as well as risking heartbreak on your end. Think it through before agreeing to the casual relationship, and if you have any doubts, stay away!