How To Restore Sexual Libido In Your Relationship

Are you unhappy with your sex life because she has little or lack of sexual desire? What can you do when you are faced with this situation?

Do you have any of the following symptoms-

(a) You have sex maybe 10-12 times in 3 years
(b) She has little or no interest in sex and any other sexual activities
(c) Sex becomes a chore for her
(d) You initiate almost all sexual activities
(e) When she does initiate it, she wants to quickly get over with it
(f) You no longer have any sexual fantasies about your partner
(g) You do not feel connected to each other emotionally and sexually
(h) You increasingly feel lonely, dissatisfied, unloved and empty

If you have one or more of the above symptoms, you are likely to face the situation of a low or no-sex relationship or sexless marriage. There may be many underlying reasons for a woman to be not interested in sex and it is very normal for you to feel frustrated when you have unmet expectations.

Here are a few suggestions that you can try at least to start the ball rolling in order to reverse this trend of decreasing sexual desire.

(1) Reclaim your sexual side for yourself

Orgasm is a great stress reliever and there is a need for an outlet for your sexual release. A way you can do is to masturbate. This will help to keep your emotions in check if the level of frustration continues to intensify. Do remember that it is your responsibility to keep in touch with your own physical needs.

(2) Touch her in non-sexual ways

Studies have shown that a simple touch can reduce anxiety, lower blood pressure, decrease pain and fear, inhibit loneliness and release endorphins in the brain that not only make us feel loved, but want to give love in return.

Affection and non-sexual touch can build trusts, deepen intimacy and strengthen a relationship. Holding hands, hugging, kissing and gentle massage of the neck, shoulders and back are wonderful ways to show affection without the pressure of sex. You need to break the touch barrier that is happening between the both of you.

(3) Have a heart-to-heart talk

You can put across how you feel to your woman in a non-confrontation way. You can say something like this – “I love you. I feel that something that is important to me is missing in our relationship. I need a more intimate relationship.” Then ask her to set aside a time to have the most open and honest conversation about sex that you can ever have with her.

If she says no, ask if she would prefer to do it with the help of trained personnel such as marriage counselor or a sex therapist who is non-judgmental and unbiased. If she still says no, tell her that being in a sexless marriage is not what you want and you are willing to work with her to make life together better and that you are asking her to be willing to do the same.

During the open and honest conversation there is a need to find out about your woman’s sexuality such as whether she ever feels sexy, either alone or with you; whether she can pinpoint anything that happen to her in the past that can cause her to hold back sexually; has she ever masturbated or have an orgasm; any reasons for her for not wanting to have sex.

There is a need on your part to be dedicated and patient enough to help her discover her sexuality, possibly for the first time. You must also be willing to do whatever it takes to let her feel comfortable enough to feel sexual.

You need to tell her that you feel unloved, dissatisfied and empty when being trapped in a low-sex or sexless situation. Explain to her that you are willing to do anything to make sure she will enjoy a sexual relationship with you as much as you will.

If her level of sexual experience is an issue, offer to show her what feels good for you. Also ask her to show you what feels good to her, the better if she is willing to masturbate in front of you. Help her to embrace her sexuality and encourage her to share it with you. Learning how to love and please each other is a great bonding experience which can help to strengthen a relationship.

Living in a sexless relationship for long times is very stressful and unhealthy physically, mentally and emotionally. All it takes is the willingness to invest the time and energy to do whatever it takes to save your marriage/relationship by revitalizing your sex life.

Doc Love’s “The System – The Dating Dictionary” on Male Archetypes

If you study Doc Love’s THE SYSTEM – THE DATING DICTIONARY, you will find that it describes four male archetypes:

  • Wimp
  • Macho Boy
  • Gentleman
  • Gigolo

And each archetype has such a unique description, which can make you wonder how men can be so different from each other! Well, a careful analysis reveals a certain pattern, which is what I will describe here.

A man’s psychological attitude can be analysed in several dimensions/spectrums, and I will focus on two such dimensions for now:

  1. The Sensitivity Dimension: You have a SENSITIVE guy on one end of this spectrum, and a CALLOUS guy on the other.
  2. The Attachment Dimension: You have a FAWNER on one end of this spectrum, and a CHALLENGE on the other.

Using this method of analysis, the archetypes can be summarised as follows:

  • A WIMP is a SENSITIVE FAWNER.
  • A MACHO BOY is a CALLOUS CHALLENGE.
  • A GENTLEMAN is a SENSITIVE CHALLENGE.
  • A GIGOLO is a CALLOUS FAWNER.

Sometimes you meet a woman that tells you she wants a sensitive guy, and keeps complaining about what a nasty jerk her boyfriend is! All her friends know that she’s with the wrong guy and tell her to break up. She also knows “intellectually” that she deserves better. But no matter how much she complains, she somehow cannot “get herself” to leave him!

And when she actually does encounter a sensitive guy, she is likely to cry on his shoulder and complain about her boyfriend for hours together. The sensitive guy keeps asking (or should I say “begging”) her to give him just one chance! He promises to treat her like a princess and do anything to make her happy. The woman is touched and moved by his sincerity, but still finds that something is missing. She cannot really describe what it is…but somehow, she feels that she just can’t respect him. She also doesn’t feel “attracted” to him! She actually feels MORE attracted to the jerk she complains about!

And the next day you meet another woman, whose boyfriend is the sweetest guy in the world! He treats her with the utmost respect, frequently buys her gifts and flowers, tells her several times how much he loves her, forgives her for everything, puts up with her put-downs and is always ready to apologise whenever there is a conflict between them.

Her friends tell her that she has the best thing going for her, but she is somehow not happy with him! And no matter how hard he tries to please her, she always find something wrong with him and criticises him for it!

If you are a student of Doc Love’s THE SYSTEM – THE DATING DICTIONARY, you can easily tell that the second woman’s Interest Level in her boyfriend is very low. And it is very likely that she would soon dump him for someone else!

Now, I have heard these stories HUNDREDS of times over and over again! And I’m no longer amused by these things, as they have become too much of a chiche!

But it wouldn’t surprise me if it gives you the following impressions:

  • Women are so stupid and illogical
  • Women hate guys that are nice to them
  • Women like guys that treat them like trash

Well, nothing could be farther from the truth. And I’ll tell you what the real truth is….

  • Macho Boys are attractive NOT because they are abusive jerks, but because they EXHIBIT challenge.
  • Wimps are repulsive NOT because they are nice to women, but because they LACK challenge.

A woman that is good-looking but has a low self-esteem is drawn to Macho Boys. She harbours a subconscious belief that she does not deserve to be treated well, and the Macho Boy provides her the perfect validation for her beliefs. (He treats her like trash….but she definitely likes the sex eh?!)

And I have NEVER found a woman that feels “attracted” to Wimps at a primordial level! A Feminista that has a low self-esteem might stick around with a Wimp for a long time, but it’s NOT because she is attracted to him. It’s only because she’s looking for someone to dominate and use like a punching bag….and the Wimp makes the perfect candidate for this kind of abuse. (Eventually even the Feminista would leave him for a tougher guy, but that’s a different story.)

Doc Love’s THE SYSTEM – THE DATING DICTIONARY teaches you how to strike a proper balance by becoming a GENTLEMAN that treats women well, but also displays CHALLENGE at the same time.

And women that are self-reliant and have a high self-esteem (the desirable women) are ALWAYS attracted to Gentlemen.

Hope you found this insightful…..Good luck in the Dating Jungle, my fellow Spartan!

Just Sex Vs. True Love

Opinions vary greatly on the topic of the difference between true love versus just sex relationships. How do you know when the physical sensations and desires you are feeling are the result of being in love with someone and not just the result of being attracted to them sexually? Which is better – just sex relationships for the sake of sex or true love that leads to a sexual encounter?

Is It Just Lust or Is It Just Pleasure?

The difference between lust and pleasure is so thin that it is nearly non-existent. Lust refers to the existence of a strong sexual desire, craving, or longing. Its presence in the sexual relationship can lead to passionate love making. Lust encompasses every aspect of the sexual experience starting with the desire to have sex with a specific person, even if this individual is someone you have just met, and ending with the denouement or final climax.

When you have sex for pleasure, it is usually just a means to an end – having sex to achieve an orgasm. It is more likely to occur as a random encounter with no particular partner in mind.

Pros and Cons of Just Sex Relationships

The basic premise of just having sex rather than being in a committed relationship based on love is the ability to avoid all emotional entanglement. Casual sex, particularly as experienced in a series of one night stands, avoids the need to form an emotional attachment, pretend to lust your partner, feel guilty over not satisfying the sexual needs of your temporary lover, or practice a monogamous relationship. Plus, anyone who is having casual sex rather than participating in a relationship based on true love can avoid having to answer to someone else, call home when running late, or buy gifts for birthdays or anniversaries. This is a “winning” situation for anyone who simply isn’t ready to settle down with one individual.

Casual sex, as experienced in the friends-with-benefits scenario is a bit trickier since some type of emotional bond clearly exists. Keeping the relationship strictly on a friendship level is only possible when neither participant begins to fall in love with the other half of the equation. This kind of it’s-just-sex relationship can blow up on a person unexpectedly, especially if a pregnancy occurs. It can lead to the dissolution of the friendship, leaving you feeling lonelier than ever.

When an individual dabbles in casual sex only, avoiding true love at every turn, it really is a costly experience when it goes on for too long. If you never form an emotional commitment, then you can wind up living the rest of your days out alone. You never have anyone to invite as a guest to important functions, and you might find your desirability as a lover begins to fade as your hair thins, skin wrinkles, and tummy sags. This scenario might have you searching for sex in all the wrong places, simply because the “right” places are no longer suitable for a person of your age or stature.

Pros and Cons of a Relationship Based on True Love

True love is often defined as the feelings held between two people who put the partner’s well being first and foremost. It refers to the ability to love someone no matter what they say or do. True love is everything good and nothing bad. A relationship based on true love includes a healthy dose of patience, kindness, loyalty, caring, and compromise, distinguishing it from lust, a feeling which disappears until the next time that you become sexually aroused by your partner. True love involves a lasting bond that continues to grow, whereas lust dissipates the moment that sexual climax is fully reached.